I had a breakthrough and now I have to start over

I had a breakthrough. A breakthrough with my anxiety and my depression. My brain switched and I felt like I could conquer it all. I felt no more anxiety and no more negative thoughts telling me I wasn't good enough. This went on for about several months and then I spiraled. I went into a black hole and the thoughts became more negative and more abstract in ways to tell me I wasn't good enough and try to convince that I was someone I was not. I was hysterical and although my breakdowns weren't happening as frequent, they would happen at the same level every single time. I didn't feel in control of my body or mind anymore. I felt like I was taken over by someone who wanted to be me. I will be honest, I haven't exactly been taking much care of my mental health except going to therapy every other week, and although it helps it's not a cure. Nothing will cure this but I can help prevent and I can become stronger by knowing and be aware of what is actually happening. It's hard to not believe the negative thoughts, but if you know in your heart of something to not be true, then it isn't true. It felt as if my mind is trying to find something else to worry or stress about. I did this to myself by just letting it happen and not trying to help myself, but I am aware now and I can help myself.

I am not perfect and I certainly had the biggest setback thus far in my recovery process and now I know that it's my mind telling me to slow down. My body is saying to chill out and realize what is actually in this moment right now. To know the beauty around me and to breathe every second of air I can get. Because life is short, it's too short to dwell and too short to not be grateful. I am stronger now, I am more aware, I know what I have to do now in order to take care of myself. For awhile I wasn't, I was worrying about too much and not enough about myself and my own well being. I wasn't eating healthy or eating enough, I was sleep deprived, I was stressed, I wasn't helping myself and it was unhealthy. I would let the negative thoughts be the thoughts that stuck around in my head until it built up and I spiraled. Yes I spiraled and I had the worst mental breakdown I've ever had and although trying to get through it was tough, I needed it. I needed to have a setback because I wasn't realizing soon enough the path I was headed down with making unhealthy decisions for my mental and physical health. I am able to use my tools more efficiently and practice using those tools to keep me from having a terrible anxiety attack again. I'm not my anxiety, it's just something I have to deal with. I am a good, beautiful, kind, and generous young woman who has so many dreams and ambitions of helping others in the future. Because I know what suffering in silence feels like, and I don't want anyone else to feel alone going through that. I'm human and I have rough patches. I'm strong and I was able to fight this and punch it out. Tomorrow's a new day, a better day at that. Keep fighting!❤️ I know you can do it!

Overcoming anxiety everyday of my life

I have always loved to write and when I got to high school and they wanted us to write more narratives I was so happy because during that time I was going through the darkest part of my life. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and learning how to cope and on my way towards recovery. It was a story and it was MY story. It was a way for me to actually express what I was going through because sometimes talking just wouldn't cut it for me. I was able to actually think about what I was experiencing and just write it on paper and everything would flow out like a river.

I was a sophomore and we had to do a book project where we took a published book and wrote in whatever we wanted to write in it. I saw an opportunity to express what I had been going through the past 2 years and it made me feel so in touch with my situation. I took journal entires I had written in the previous months and I wrote those in and talked about the thoughts of suicide I had in the past and how I have been able to overcome and become the person I was in that point of time. By the end of me presenting the project and reading what I wrote in my book my teacher came up and hugged me and told me, "I am always here if you need anything." I conquered my fear of telling my story and from that point on all I wanted to do was talk about my mental illness and my experience with it.

I have always been a shy kid. It was hard for me to talk to people ever since I was little and once I got older and I got to middle school I started going through puberty and my fear of talking and communicating with others got worse. My behavior at home would be irrational and I would throw fits because I didn't want to ever go to school and I couldn't figure out why. I couldn't communicate why and it would just keep getting worse and worse. I got to high school and the sadness I felt was intensified and I never wanted to go to school and I had multiple breakdowns and panic attacks and still no answer of what I was actually experiencing. My mom talked to my pediatrician about it and he recommended us to a therapist down the street from his practice. We went and met with her and got a feel for what exactly therapy would be like and she was so humble and very soft and kind. You could tell all she wanted to do was help me and try to figure out what we could do to solve our problem. I started going once a week and I have been going to her now for almost 3 years and I have had nothing but growth from doing it.