Being An Introvert

I recall always seeing on social media articles about whether you were an introvert or an extrovert when I was younger. I never really understood what it meant at the time, but as I got older and I found out exactly what it meant I would put it to other people and figure out if they were introverted or extroverted. The textbook definition of an introvert is, a shy, reticent person, whereas an extrovert is, an outgoing, overtly expressive person.

 

I am an introvert and I say that with a lot of pride because that’s just a part of who I am. I feel uncomfortable when there are a lot of people around and talking to me. I get eerie when it is even my family. I feel safe when I am at home or with one or two people that don’t drain everything that I have in my body. I am comfortable in my own home that I call my body.

When I have to interact and talk to multiple people if feels as if every little part of me is going to that person. A part of me is gone and when I finally have that time to myself I can recharge and get that part of me back. It’s a problem that I have had to work on but if I choose to not go out with multiple people then I don’t have to. If I want to spend time with one person who doesn’t drain the life out of me then I can. I don’t have to be forced to do anything I don’t want to do and that’s the beauty of growing. You learn what you want and what you don’t want and you learn to say no. And you feel bad ass. You feel empowered and strong.

Being an introvert has it’s problems but what doesn’t. The perks outweigh the negatives and I couldn’t be more thankful to be an introvert because it makes me who I am and I am proud of who I am. 

Just a silly thought

I sit here at almost 2 am with the worst anxious feeling I have ever felt. Self-doubt. I have the tools to get past this but it’s hard when I’m trying to set my focus on something other than my head feeling like it’s spiraling out of control and I can actually feel my neck getting pinched and my eyes shaking. This is a silly free write, a journal entry almost and I feel as if I get it out there and express to others exactly how I feel, they might feel it too and it could help them. It’s just a thought. It’s just a bizarre thought that somehow managed to get past the rest of my brain and into the area where I can hear my own voice saying to me, “you’re a piece of shit.” It’s just a thought. I can’t feed into the fear that I might not be good enough because you have proved to yourself that you are and that’s all that matters.  You ARE good enough even if a silly thought says you aren’t. Because that’s not YOUR voice. It’s just a negative seed that was planted into your head. And if you water that seed with positivity and self-love it’ll grow into a positive flower. Because that’s what you are, a beautiful flower. Flowers need time and many resources to grow and become beautiful. Flowers don’t just bloom overnight. Nothing happens overnight. Things take time. Recovery takes time. You’re worth it and good enough. 

Dealing with depression: An original poem

Like the sun she was filled with such light

A light that was so radiant that she didn’t even have to try and shine

A light so bright that the plants and the trees around her grew into larger and more beautiful beings

A light so blinding that when people looked at her they had to turn the other cheek to lose the risk of ever witnessing something so angelic

A light so bright that she couldn’t see the light herself

She couldn’t understand the admiration that she was and the mistakes and imperfections that made her simply perfect

That made her into the shapely goddess that she was filled with so much to give and the steps that were left on her and the marks of previous beings that left permanent scars

A light so bright that it didn’t stop her from being the brightest damn light in every room

A light so bright that she continued to shine and move forward and not let the darkness that was her mind burn her out

Because like the sun, she never stopped shining light